TEACHING OLD (PHAT) DOGS NEW TRICKS

Steve Deadmoney

(Bastard son of Barbara Woodhouse & The Wild Rover - that's what I call ruff!)

The Phat Dogs relocated to new kennels this week, as Mr. Entertainment (Baz) more than lived up to his nickname in his first hosting - for 13 of us. Truly, the RAF man could not have been in a more generous mood - beers, pizzas and samosas were all supplied, and then our chef's piece de resistance - Baz laid down his cards for us and went out first. "Never... in the field of Phat Dogs conflict... has so much been owed... by so many to so few." Give that man a medal! Now I know why he has a collection of them... Baz - you ARE the Phat Dog's Pedigree Chum (if you're wincing at that one, trust me its all going downhill from here - look away now if you don't want to see the results).

As Mrs. Baz and The Offspring (I thought they were touring at the moment?) were descended upon by this pack of Dogs, they must surely have been wondering whether there was a hunt running through their home and kept an eye out for toffs on horseback, and checking for saboteurs. There weren't any toffs, but sabotage WAS the order of the night.

There were 7 Phat Dogs (Baz, Adam, Dave, Andy, G, Lindz & myself) plus 6 guests - new Pete, Straight Pete, and 4 first-timers. Bizarrely, all 4 of the newbies (another Andy "legend killer" Cairns, Nick Harvey ("Harvey Nicks"? perhaps - OK, well we haven't heard it before), Fred Delahunty - that's Del to you (I have my own nickname for him now), and Miffy "The Poker Slayer" Griffin) were drawn on the same table, along with Graham and myself. Caution was to be the order of the day - at least for the first few hands.

The legend killer started best, looking confident from the off. He played a solid game all night, and was most unlucky when he bubbled in 4^th place. Nick, too, was anything but reckless - I can barely recall him showing cards all night. He claims that's because he was mostly dealt rubbish, but he plays a tight game. Respect was due when he re-raised me (more than once), and this dog had to go sit in his basket again.

Miffy was playing her first match ever, and has only played at all for (I think) 11 days. Do not be fooled! For someone with minimal experience she did exceptionally well and, based on this performance, she'll be taking down the pot before too long. So that left Graham (who hardly saw a decent hand all night), myself (up and down all night - ladies please take note), and Del Boy, the ex-(Barmy) army man who's mission statement was clearly "this time next year, Rodders" etc. etc, which, translated to Japanese, is "Banzai!" Obviously, in the forces, he was well used to going over the top.

Meanwhile, in the next room, the Dogs and the 2 Petes were busy passing round the chips between themselves. I didn't see much of the play, but I gather it was like New Year at Battersea Dog's Home - everyone afraid of being put down. They all had to bow-wow-out in the end (I know, I know), but those that survived longest were Dave, who came 2nd & Adam (3^rd).

At the final table, I found myself wondering whether those samosas had Kennomeat in them. Or PAL perhaps? Baz - they tasted fine (Chappie) but it would be appropriate if the Phat Dogs had picked some made with Complete Puppy. Maybe Mr. "Las Bagshot" (Andy) could make some using Cesar's. Having been at Del's table all night, I quickly concluded that his were made from IAM's All-in.

Del WAS the story of the night. An internet player who claimed he'd barely had a live game in 20 years of poker play (nice bluff Del, but the net hasn't been around that long... ) OK, maybe a slight exaggeration on his part, but this boy was keen. He easily played more hands than he folded. Del - I'm not exactly a tight player myself, but tonight, you redefined 'loose'. That hasn't happened since I met 2 girls back in... errrrr...  another time, maybe.

Let me quantify it another way. He made Gus Hansen look tight. Actually, he made Abi Titmuss look tight! Playing like a Las Vegas minister - he married rubbish in a trice, and pocketed all the readies. He wasn?t dressed like Elvis you understand, but the phrase 'Hound Dog' sprang to mind, as he hounded every one of us all night.

One example that I won't forget for some time: he called my pre-flop raise, then went all in with 7,8,9 (off) on board. Holding K10o, and already fairly committed, I figured him for a pair (I'd have had 2 overcards and the up / down straight draw) & eventually called. He'd flopped a straight (2 over cards not looking so good now, Steve) with his 5,6o (just a standard raising hand, then) and my higher straight draw failed to materialise.

Outside of a couple of early rebuys, that's what happened all night. Del sees potential in every hand, and every hand he played, he seemed to realise that potential. All I realised was that, if there had been dog food in those samosas, Del must have had the one full of Winalot. Well played mate, you made your own luck and rode it well - dare I say, Doggie style?